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Professor77's Poker Poetry and Humor

Goodbye To My Best Poker Pal "Q"

The room is cheap, the furnishings stark.
The florescent light is so damn dark.
When I look up, I fill with fear.
The end of this hand is drawing near,
this lonely table, a troubled place,
their cold dead stares, dealer's empty face.
Well, I see no reason to persevere,
no reason to laugh or shed a tear,
no reason to ponder or even to wait,
no cards to come, it's much too late.
And so this night I will raise my eyes
to imagine the clear but mysterious skies
that arch above us, so far from sin.
Are you there Q cuz I'm goin' all in?

Bluffers Prayer : A Poker Poem

Lord let me be as a cool window pane set in a church door.
The breath of the hopeful fogging my surface,
While I remain transparent to their sight.
So that I might condense fact
From the vapor of nuance,
Both in their faces and words.
Give me vision into their hearts and minds,
As they spill their prayers on your alter.
Let me be your alterboy in the poker room,
So that I may gather their donations,
Like the whale strains krill from the sea.

Requiem for WSOP Dead Money

What glory for those busted out as dead money?
The clatter from their departing former chips.
Only the death rattle mutters of “nice hand”,
Will patter out the losers' heartbroken trips.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,
The shrill, demented choirs of frustration’s hell;
And their hearts' despair of lost lifelong desire.
What applause may be given to speed them all?
Not from the hands of hopeful fans but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of unsaid goodbyes.
The pallor of railbirds’ brows shall be their pall;
Their trophy the tenderness of patient minds.
They all know that they have given their all,
And each new deal brings a posting of the blinds.

Why Do Professional Poker Players Still Live with Their Moms?
(And I don't mean you, Daniel Negreanu, so don't call to complain!)


In other words, professional poker works pretty much like the standard capitalist enterprise: you have to be near the top of the pyramid to make a big wage. Notwithstanding the media's rhetoric about the million's of dollars available and the glamour of poker stardom, a player's "wages" are about as skewed as wages in corporate America. A low level pro has plenty in common with a McDonald's burger flipper or a Wal-Mart shelf stocker. In fact, most players also hold other jobs in the legitimate sector to supplement their skimpy poker earnings. Most low level pros make aproximately minimum wage for every hour at the poker tables. And how many burger flippers end up with less money than they started with as a result of flipping burgers?

Consider the cost of a weekend playing poker in Las Vegas:Flight: $440
2 Nights at MGM Grand: $450
Shuttle to the MGM: $9
Fri. Nite Dinner and Drinks: $50
Two breakfasts: $22
Bar: $12
Monorail Passes: $26
2 Hookers: $370
Saturday dinner and Drinks for 2: $50
Taxis: $32
Various Other Food/Snack/Drinks: $50
Long-Term Parking at airport: $24
Total:$1,535.
How many minimum wage earners can afford that?

Along with the bad pay and high cost, poker players face terrible job conditions. For starters, they have to sit in a poker room all day and "do business" with other players. Little or no family life, back problems, bad diet, hemorrhoids and the stink of smoke are some of the side benefits of sitting for 10 hour stretches at a poker table. Playing in home-games you also risk arrest and, more worrisome, violence.

Professional poker player s have a 1-in-2 chance of divorce and a 1-in-30 chance of fatal heart attack! Compare these odds to being a timber cutter, which the Bureau of Labor Statistics calls the most dangerous job in the United States. Over four years' time, a timber cutter would stand only a 1-in-200 chance of being killed. Or compare the poker player s odds to those of a death row inmate in Texas, which executes more prisoners than any other state. In 2003, Texas put to death twenty-four inmates-or just 5 percent of the nearly 500 inmates on its death row during that time. Which means that you stand a greater chance of dying while playing in this year's World Series of Poker than you do while sitting on death row in Texas. So if professional poker playing is the most dangerous job in America, and if the salary is near minimum wage, why on earth would anyone take such a job???

Poker Room Etiquette

First, when you win a pot you should gloat loudly and tell your opponent
how badly he played. Always be sure to tell everyone how well you play and
your strategy for winning. Always explain in great detail why you make the
plays you do. Tell your opponents how well you read them and point out every
little error.

Secondly, when you lose a pot you should throw the cards at the dealer and
in a loud voice complain bitterly to the person that beat you about what a bad
player he is.

Third. Always ask for new decks and setups and constantly complain about
how the dealer in the box "cold decks" you whenever he deals. Tell the current
dealer and everyone at the table you will never play on one of his downs ever
again and not only that he can't even deal the cards without making a mistake.
Even if he doesn't make a mistake wait patiently for some very minor infraction
and then loudly complain about his indiscretions.

Fourth. Don't forget to glare and stare at players and dealers and try to
intimidate people with your mean callous disposition. Constantly mutter under
your breath, always speaking just loud enough so people can hear the foulest
stream of obscenities that you can possibly think of.

Last. When you miss your straight, flush or full house or fail to make
two pair when necessary, cry like a little baby about how unlucky you are and
how you never catch any cards. Moan and groan about how unlucky you are.
Always complain out loud about the odds against your opponent beating you.
Never forget to mention that he had only one card in the deck with which to
win. Tell everyone how you can never catch a break. Let people know that if
it wasn't for the complete morons sitting at this table, you would be winning a
lot of money. Tell them that the world sucks, and wonder out loud about how
you could be so unlucky. Tell them you are the best player in the room, yet
you are still losing to a bunch of idiots that can't even spell poker.

All of the above are acceptable, desirable character traits for partaking
in any casino poker activity.

 

Professor77's Hold'em Poker Strategy and Blackjack Card Counting. Professor77 Brings You Poker Articles, Information About Online Poker Cheaters and Cheating, Strategy, Poker Tournament Starting Hands, WSOP Insider Info, Bonus Codes, Rake Rebates and Online Poker Links. All poker links have automatic bonus and rake rebate built-in, all you need to do is click, download and register.

Professor77's Hold'em Poker Strategy and Blackjack Card Counting. Professor77 Brings You Poker Articles, Information About Online Poker Cheaters and Cheating, Strategy, Poker Tournament Starting Hands, WSOP Insider Info, Bonus Codes, Rake Rebates and Online Poker Links. All poker links have automatic bonus and rake rebate built-in, all you need to do is click, download and register. 

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Professor77's Hold'em Poker Strategy and Blackjack Card Counting. Professor77 Brings You Poker Articles, Information About Online Poker Cheaters and Cheating, Strategy, Poker Tournament Starting Hands, WSOP Insider Info, Bonus Codes, Rake Rebates and Online Poker Links. All poker links have automatic bonus and rake rebate built-in, all you need to do is click, download and register.

Professor77's Hold'em Poker Strategy and Blackjack Card Counting. Professor77 Brings You Poker Articles, Information About Online Poker Cheaters and Cheating, Strategy, Poker Tournament Starting Hands, WSOP Insider Info, Bonus Codes, Rake Rebates and Online Poker Links. All poker links have automatic bonus and rake rebate built-in, all you need to do is click, download and register.
 
 





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